Today I saw Liani, my daughter, and her Kindergartner class perform in school. I loved every moment! …. getting us ready in the morning, going to the school,  finding the perfect seat to take a million pictures, and seeing her sing the songs she had practiced for months.

When I asked her how she felt about performing, she said, I’m fine. She seemed pretty relaxed about it. Knowing how shy she is (the same way I was when I was her age,)  I thought it was odd, but her response put me at ease.
When she got on stage, I could tell she was out of her comfort zone and felt insecure. She knew all the lyrics to the songs. She knew every single dance move. But I noticed she wasn’t moving much or taking any space. If I’m honest, I was frustrated for a second. I wanted my daughter to sign out loud! to throw her arms up in the air and do the silly moves some of her classmates were doing. I wanted her to enjoy the moment and act like nobody was watching. And then I said to myself, this is who she is now. She’s five. I accept my daughter exactly the way she is, with no expectations, and continued to enjoy the show.

I had fun the entire time I was in Liani’s school. I was so proud of her. It also brought me back to when I was a little girl and felt so insecure, feeling that I had to meet other people’s expectations and do everything perfectly. That I always had to be top of my class. I always craved that pat on the back from my teachers. It was exhausting to carry all that pressure with me at a very young age. Unbelievable now that I look back.

It wasn’t until I became a teenager that I started feeling more relaxed in my skin, beautiful, and caring less about what other people thought of me. I stopped caring about being the perfect student and how I looked in front of authority figures. I was having fun, hanging out with my friends, laughing hysterically during recess, and meeting boys 🙂 I was on top of the world. Everything was going just right for me. I started dating the boy I secretly liked for a year, had amazing friends, had way more freedom, and became very independent. It would take a lot for me to be stressed. Then, my mom decided we should move to the US, and I found myself starting from scratch at 15. 

Here in this country, things were completely different. I had to attend a public high school after being in an all-girls catholic school my whole life. I had to learn a new culture, language, and system while trying to learn chemistry, biology, and algebra. Failing and going back home were not options, so I completely adapted to a new country after two years.

Fast forward 22 years, and I’m almost 39 years old. I finally feel like a mature version of the teenager I once was. I feel free and confident (most of the time, I still have my moments). I feel happy, and I’m having fun again. How people perceive me is their decision. I speak my mind with kindness and respect. I don’t expect perfection from myself or anybody. I appreciate the support, family, friendships, and connections I have. I’m laughing out loud again!!

As for my daughter, I’ll always remind her that she’s loved and seen no matter what. That she’s perfect just the way she is, and that little by little, she can build her confidence and feel great about herself. Wherever her journey takes her, I’ll be there, guiding her, holding her hand when she needs it … and, of course, taking a million pictures of her. I’ll always be her biggest cheerleader.